I was in the middle of worship during our Good Friday service last month, so it came as a bit of a surprise when I began thinking about folks I hadn’t seen at church in a while. Once I got past a tiny bit of, “Sorry, Lord, I didn’t mean to get distract…Oh wait, it’s You.” He highlighted to me that I didn’t really have any relationship with those folks beyond Sunday mornings. For several of them, I don’t think they had many interactions with church family outside of service times together, and that got me thinking: “Who DO I have friendships with beyond Sundays?” I thought about the people I connect with during the week, many of whom I also see at church most weekends. Those are all people I would readily identify as my friends.

I’ve shared this before, included it a book I published last year, and have had similar conversations numerous times with many different people. But here it is again for reference:

In John 15, Jesus told His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn. 15:15 NIV). His closest companions weren’t ministry partners, but friends! And what were His immediate commands to His friends? Rather than a list of ministry activities, the Lord prioritized their love for one another. He told them, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you…This is my command: Love each other” (Jn. 15:12,17 NIV). Jesus had already told them, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (Jn. 13:35 NIV). Love for one another was intended to be both the primary focus and the primary witness of Jesus’ followers.

The Lord’s rally cry for unity among His disciples was completely centered around their love for one another. That primary focus was more important than any other instruction He gave them for ministry as His followers. They were to be one just as He and the Father are one (John 17), and their oneness was so much more than only a common mission: it was love for one another. Loving one another must be more important than whatever ministry we are doing—because it is the ministry we are to be doing. And as people witness Christ’s followers loving each other, they see what Jesus really intends for His disciples to be—friends.

For those reading this who may not know me very well, one of my favorite hobbies is playing board games. But if you only saw me on a Sunday morning, you probably wouldn’t know that unless I wore a t-shirt advertising it. (Yes, I actually have t-shirts about board games.) For those who know me a bit better, we’ve probably played a game or two together, either because I almost always suggest it when we have company over, or because I brought a game to your house. But then there are those who know I love board games and actually hint (or not-so-subtly hint) that we should play said games at some time in the very near future…like tonight…and so we do! Those friends likely already know the rules to whatever we’re playing and are perfectly at home going upstairs, grabbing a game from one of my shelves and plopping it onto the table for the entire group. In that oversized hobby-related corner of my life, playing board games is the “doing life together” that we often hear about in Christian circles.

I was talking with our family the other night about friends who are comfortable enough around us to walk in without knocking on the door when invited over (usually for board games). We have a few of those, and we have many who politely wait for us to answer the door first. We have friends who know where the snacks and sparkling waters are kept, but we also have friends who will help themselves to both without asking because they know it’s totally cool. When you’re walking around our house barefoot, making yourself coffee and grabbing games off the shelves for us to play together, you are DEFINITELY a good friend. That’s how we do life together here in the Roberts family, and it usually involves food, often includes games, and invariably ends up with us talking about the Lord. Many times simply as part of the flow of conversation, even during board games, real ministry happens. The Lord touches hearts, we talk about Scripture or matters of faith and we share what the Lord is doing in our lives. At birthday parties, during dinner, over coffee and in the midst of games, questions start up and we laugh and learn as we share different parts of our lives with each other. In a lot of ways, all of that seems pretty natural, organic, commonplace and kinda feels like, “Doesn’t everybody do this?”

But the truth is, all of that stuff is actually intentional, and doesn’t happen without purpose, invitation, time, transparency and persistence. Shoot, just creating those opportunities for fellowship can be a heavy lift. It’s not easy to “do life together” when that life is full of so many other things that rarely intersect with our friends. Laundry? Meals? Errands? Work? Kids’ activities? Weekdays already feel busy, so how are we supposed to “do life together” when life is all 9-to-5, dirty clothes and hungry mouths to feed?

I wish I had an easy answer, Church. Actually, the answer IS easy…or at least, simple: we just have to do it. We have to change the way we orient our lives. We have to shift our priorities onto relationships. And while Sundays and Wednesdays give us the chance to “do church together”, let’s face it: nobody’s going to invite themselves over to my house for board games and coffee just because we attended the same service. “Doing life together” is about so much more than just participating in mutual church activities. Our friends are more than the people we attend services with. They are more than our Bible study partners. They are more than our fellow ministry team workers. They are more than our fellow group leaders, staff members, volunteers or employees. Jesus’ disciples were certainly more than all of those things when He called them His friends, and it’s the same for us.

It is completely unfair to make our local church event calendar responsible for our fellowship with one another. Jesus didn’t commission His followers to hold meetings or organize communities, but simply commanded them to love each other the same way that He loved them. And Jesus loved His disciples in everyday situations: on the road, during chores, over meals, amidst the most mundane and routine activities, and yes, also during teaching times and weekly meetings. But His interaction with His followers was always a steady progress of relationship until they ceased being servants and instead became His friends. I believe the Lord is challenging His Church to accelerate that same progression of relationship, and it requires more from us than simply multiplying the number of events we attend.

The Christians in Acts 2 were not content to just participate in service times together. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts…” (Acts 2:42,46 NIV). There was teaching, board games, Communion, prayer, meals and plenty of rejoicing…(okay, so maybe the board games weren’t exactly chapter-and-versed). But still, their lives encompassed so much more activity together than a single church calendar could plan, coordinate or oversee. The early disciples gathered, shared meals, met needs, prayed, ministered, worshiped, traveled, worked and fellowshipped together. Their lives revolved around the Lord, certainly, but included so much more activity together than just Sunday mornings.

“Doing life together” must become more than just a list of weekly services we attend, or else we limit our friendships and fellowship to a calendar of church events. Disciples following that model usually make other disciples who learn to do the same: “do life together” by attending these events, then encourage others to join with you, then “do life together” with them in those activities and keep adding to the number of groups. But those groups don’t get the laundry done, or cook the meals, or run the errands, or pay the bills, or organize the board game leagues, or take trips to the park, or roast coffee beans together. Those kinds of activities require something entirely beyond our current Sunday morning experience.

If we want Acts 2, we must embrace something more than we’re currently accustomed to doing. It will include laundry days together, meals shared, lunch breaks and early morning coffee, nights set aside for board games, playtimes at the park, and afternoons running errands together not because it’s efficient, but because it’s important. And when we all gather on Sunday morning, maybe our corporate times become filled with stories and conversations about everything we did together during the week. Yeah, our services might look radically different if our everyday activities began to change in such dramatic fashion. Jesus told His disciples, “You’re My friends. Now, go love each other so the world knows that too.” He didn’t gather them for more discipleship activities, or give them a training manual on how to build healthy Christian communities. He simply told them to love each other, to sacrifice for one another, to prefer one another, serve one another and to make themselves the least and the last among each other. If Sundays are the only days we do that, we’re probably missing something important.

I’ll be the first to admit, Church, this feels much harder to do in a big city like Memphis than it did in Barstow. Some of our closest friends here live 45 minutes away, while even our most distant acquaintances in Barstow were seldom more than a 10-minute drive. Restructuring our daily routines to prioritize these life-on-life activities isn’t an easy task. But it’s desperately needed and I’ve heard so many people from all across the country communicate the same heart cry for genuine “doing life together” relationships. Maybe this persistent longing for community that exists within the hearts of so many faithful followers of Christ reveals a body in need of health. I believe that our Healer, the Lord of His Church, has miraculous healing in store for His corporate body. I also believe that His healing involves “closer than a brother” relationships investing in one another well beyond just Sunday mornings. But that requires faith from us, a willingness to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. Risking routine, comfort, tradition, transparency and convenience? Yeah, all of that and more for the sake of those He’s called us to do life together with.

Our family is so touched by the many friends around us who help themselves to coffee when they’re here, join us for board games, crash at our house for the night, and bring their kids to hang out with ours wherever we are. We’re committed to making those things more regular and routine for the eight of us. Our prayer is that the Lord would do this same work more deeply in our own lives and throughout His body. Give us wisdom, Holy Spirit, and faith to trust You with something we don’t understand how to do very well and don’t have much experience with. We’re committed to getting better at it with Your help. For everyone reading this, know that we cherish your friendship, love, words, support and prayers. We truly couldn’t do any of this without you and are humbled by the amazing family the Lord has given us across the country. For those wanting to send financial support to us, you can give through New Life Fellowship by designating it “Missions: The Roberts” or something similar. And if you’d like to give online, the web site is https://newlifebarstow.com/give. From there, just select “Missions - Roberts family”, and you’re all set. Thank you everyone for everything again and again and in case I didn’t say it enough…AGAIN! Our family loves you tons.

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The Roberts Family
(Cliff, Denise, Purity, Wisdom, Truth, Justice, Honor and Life)